Why do people work with ayahuasca?

I've sat in ceremony with a lot of people. Lawyers, artists, nurses, engineers, mothers, students. Very different lives, and often surprisingly similar reasons.

I used to be one of the successful, exhausted ones myself. I spent about a decade in tech design, most of it at Google. The golden handcuffs were comfortable, which is exactly what made them hard to see. So I recognize the look.

1. Running on empty

A lot of people who come to us are good at what they do, and tired in a way sleep doesn't fix. They've spent years performing, achieving and being available. Somewhere along the way, they stopped knowing what they wanted.

I thought burnout meant I needed a vacation. It didn't. Out here there are no screens and no deadlines, and the rain decides your schedule. Many people slow down for the first time in years. It can feel strange at first, almost boring. Then it doesn't. I've been wondering how much of what I called ambition was really urgency I'd learned to live inside.

2. A big change

A new job, the end of a relationship, a move, the wish to start something of your own. People come when they're standing at a crossroads and want to decide from somewhere deeper than the thinking mind.

One thing I wish someone had told me: you can be grateful for the life you've built and still know it's not yours anymore. Both are true.

3. Grief and old pain

Some people come to grieve. A person they loved, a past version of themselves, a childhood that wasn't easy. In ceremony, feelings that were held back for a long time can finally move. It can be intense, and it's one big reason a safe, experienced setting matters so much.

4. Feeling disconnected

From the body, from other people, from nature, from something bigger. I've noticed how many people are very good at listening to their calendars and their inboxes, and very out of practice at listening to their bodies.

People often tell me the moment that stayed with them wasn't a vision. It was something small: rain on the roof, music at night, a meal with the whole family. The jungle has a way of reminding you that you're part of something alive.

5. Curiosity

Some people simply want to know more about themselves and about consciousness. Others have walked a spiritual path for years and want to learn from a living tradition, at its source. Curiosity is a fine reason to be here.

What about the research?

Scientists have become more interested in ayahuasca, and there are studies on its effects on mood and wellbeing. The research is still young, and ayahuasca is not an approved treatment for any illness. It's not a replacement for medical or psychological care. If you live with a mental health condition, please talk to your doctor and to me before you decide anything.

What people take home

Mostly not answers. Most people go home with a feeling: closer to themselves, clearer about what matters, in touch with a part of them they'd forgotten. Then comes the harder part, which is living with it on a Tuesday. That's why integration is part of every retreat: time to talk with your taita, and a month of 1:1 mentorship with me after you go home.

I don't think there's one right reason to come. What's yours?